Sorry. Rant.

Dad says about my getting a hamster from mom after he says no

"It really has no value because i didnt do anything to earn it and i just play my mother to get instant gratification. He can't get me to rinse out my ceral bowl so how does he know i'll clean the hamsters cage? He knows that I'm playing my mom and he knows im ignoring his calls. I've been playing my mom since i was little. And I'm just not getting any value and not working for anything i get because i can just get it from my mom. "

I wish i had the fucking ''lecture'' recorded. Now those of you who read this won't really understand my anger but here's what I have to say and would like to say to my father.


FUCK YOU, dad. You think i get everything i want, whenever i want??? huh? you think i get instant gratification with everything? Well, ya know what? I DONT get everything i want. The material things and money i get don't even fucking matter. Ya know what i DONT get? I dont get a functional family. I don't get 2 parents that care completely about me. No I don't get that. I want it more than anything. I'd give my left arm for my mothers attention aside from her boyfirend or work or alcohol. I'd do anything for a father that could listen to his daughters side of the conversation WITHOUT thinking about himself the whole time. Ya know, sometimes you don't even fucking listen to things I have to say. Even if theyre little things, I still care that youre at least listening. Maybe you could at least do a better job at hidhing the fact that youre distracted by something more important then your own daughter. oh yeah and maybe you shouldnt fucking judge every single move i make and decision i make before I ever get a chance to explain. you know what I've learned to do? Whenever you give me some big lecture on what i do wrong, I just listen carefully, nod, and then go back to whatever it was i was doing, knowing that you just made a fucking idiot out of yourself and that youre completely wrong. You'll go off thinking you really told me something I'll think about and build character in me, but you did NOTHING but humiliate yourself. And you think I don't earn the things I do get? you think it doesnt take a lot from me to get out of bed every day and go to school? you think its a piece of cake at high school? And whenever I start doing productive things like excersising more often, its never enough. I could always be doing something better. you can never accept the fact that i've improved a lot in life in general and I'm doing a great job and im working hard at it. And when you gave me that little lecture today, you said that I was too young to understand the value of things i earn. You thought you were teaching me something. You thought I was learning about it for the first time. That makes me laugh the most. I know now, that you know absolutely nothing about me. All you see is the outside and only a summary of whats inside because you'll never take the time to see everything inside.
I want parents who want me more. I want parents that will risk little things to spend time with their daughter. I want my parents to know who i am today. I want my parents to know that I'M STILL HERE and I still need them. I'm tired of growing up on my own. I want that little pat on the back or little nudge to go on. I don't wanna raise myself anymore.
So no, dad, I don't get whatever the fuck i want. I don't get a family. How about some fucking instant gratification on that?